Friday, November 07, 2008

Silverton Cafe 11/06/08

Well, we hit the road this beautiful fall day sans Steve M. (Pause for sad sigh) *sigh*.

We had an idea of where a SLOTM hotbed might lie, so we headed to that weird area between Kenwood Mall and Pleasant Ridge. Bingo.

We got to a parking lot between the elegant eateries; CHINA FOOD and THE SILVERTON CAFE. So we decided to "flip a coin". Since no one had a coin, Kyle used his Coin Flip App on his iPhone. (We also thought that pretty ridiculous).

Even though I think technically CHINA FOOD won the toss, the unspoken majority opinion of the group was that Silverton Cafe just sounded better. (Next time we'll hit CHINA FOOD though).

So, we headed in.

The dead flowers with scarecrow arrangement at the door reassured us that we were at a SLOTM joint.

Inside, however, was pretty tame. A pretty standard greasy lunch joint by day, classic rock cover band and football watching bar by night. Nothing really scary. There were a couple light bulbs out on each fixture, so that was mildly scary. The dust build up on the vents above us, also scary. The 40 inch plasma showing ESPN right next to our table, not scary.

Here was the food. Solid AVERAGE. We didn't find the next Zips Cafe or anything, Nothing about the place (other than shear curiosity about what the crowd might be like on Saturday night at 11:30pm) makes me want to come back. The roast beef was dry. The burgers average. The fried stuff, standard and average.

The did make some mean saratoga chips though.

Rating system review:
1 = Not scary. Would dine here with small children at odd hours.
10 = One member of the group was either mugged, killed or developed some type of disease that they will carry the rest of their life.

FOOD = 5
I'd eat it again. Not dreaming about it though.

My kids would like it and I wouldn't mind them spilling ketchup all over the place

Nice woman, didn't catch her name. She recommended some things (that weren't very good), was prompt with water refills.

"I forgot my phone and my wife might have a baby any minute" - Matt.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Demetrios IV (that's four, and no, it's not Italian)

Location: Demetrios IV, right across the street from Larry Daniels Auto Service Center, near Mariemont Square (a dead giveaway that this place was WAY too nice for SLOTM)

When: Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

Grade: B+
For regular SLOTM readers, an introduction is in order. My name's ap, and I recently got added to the SLOTM lineup. I've been training for months, hanging out at dive bars and ingesting large quantities of fried catfish and soggy fries to get the gut in shape for this. I've also taken up smoking, just in case we visited Kentucky and had the opportunity to smoke a Marlboro. Enough of the sappy stuff...Demetrios IV (the IV is part of the branding, so yes, I'll be spelling it out every time) was actually the fourth (coincidence or divine intervention?) restaurant on the list this particular month. As seen in the following photo montage, a whole series of places was explored before finally settling on this upscale SLOTM establishment. The food was great, the owner worked the kitchen, his wife worked the register, and they had faux marble laminate table tops. It'd be an A if not for the fact that they took plastic (sigh of relief) and we felt fairly safe that close to Mariemont.

Questionable Level (1 being no one made less than 100k eating there-10 being we lost one of the group in a knife fight): 2.8
It was made clear MULTIPLE times that this establishment was TOO nice for SLOTM. Granted, the menu was laminated with Grecian columns adorning the margins (dVal particularly enjoyed the design layout), and had a number of construction workers chowing down. But overall, this place was plush. There were two tables of police officers eating on adjoining tipped the scales at 400+, but still...the cops would have protected us.


Upon check out we struck up a conversation with the nice older lady (with an accent) working the register. Lo and behold, she was married to this fella Demetrio! He was back in the kitchen, cooking us the delicious goodness we had just ingested. When Stevie said something about having never been there before, she replied with a curt (but sweet) "We here 40 years. Where you?" Where you? I ask myself that everyday...

PS-According to your sign, you here 46 years...but who's counting

Price Point: Pretty pricey. My meal (the Double Cheeseburger called out as a special in the menu) ran me $7.25 including steak fries. The SLOTM gang all paid somewhere in the $10-$12 dollar range including tip (to KC, or is it Casey?) our waitress.

Photos: These really explain the experience...enjoy.

Matt prepares to flip (and lose) my gold canadian dime I had in a cup (along with other change). Heads Madisonville, tails Norwood (cause the Eagle's 'merican dammit!)

We landed initially at "The Corner Kitchen" or "The Bramble Patch" depending on which sign you believed as you entered. I choose to believe the permanent branding up top, not some cardboard and sticky letter creation Budweiser sent over because their case quota got hit last week.

This pile of human hair greeted us as we crossed the street. Promising...

SLOTM gang, looking tough.

"Swing and a miss!" Yes they were open at noon on Wednesday. No, they do not serve food. Only chips and beer. Apparently a lot of beer, based on the box collection out (Can you spell "alcoholism?").

Next Up...The Arena Lounge. Open at lunch, only serves alcohol. File this info away in case you ever have a really hard know which street to visit to find others who have had a really hard morning (or life).

We also considered Angilo's Pizza, but decided since the bartender at The Corner Kitchen (The Bramble Patch) suggested Demetrios IV, we shouldn't deviate. This shiny Lexus greeted us at the edge of Demetrios IV...SLOTM don't role with the Lexus crowd (I guess).

A shot of the laminating work. Of note: The Grecian columns adorning both the sides and middle of the menu. Yes, that's ivy growing up each column. It subliminally conveys a message of age and splendor. If possible, click and enlarge to check out the kids menu. The bottom item is Cheese Stix and fries (w/ a drink) for $4.95. Cheese Stix? That's pretty SLOTM. (I know what you're thinking. Yes, cheese stix are a balanced meal. Dairy anyone?)

Best Line In a Menu Ever: Any sandwich with three (3) items will be 75c extra. Except Turkey, 75c extra; Swiss Cheese, 75c; Egg, tomato, or cheese, 75c

Huh? Isn't that all the stuff you'd get extra?

The slaw had some kick...not sure what it was, but it was good.

Every meal (except mine) came with a bowl of soup (but the menu made sure to mention that you had to ASK for the bowl or it wouldn't come). Today's soup was chicken noodle, and Stevie had chicken while dVal had noodle.

Real Sandwich...this immediately upped the SLOTM quotient. Yea, that's hardboiled egg on that roast beef sandwich.

The chopped sirloin dinner (one of two "specials" called out on the laminated menu) was enjoyed by mc. Strangely enough, the "dinner" was actually a served on a bun and looked remarkably like a hamburger...

This was the weirdest SLOTM order ever recorded. Stevie went for a corned beef with swiss cheese and a fried egg. The middle blocks of white were the cheese, while the top white was the egg. KC (Casey) looked at him with a questioning stare when he ordered this (as did the rest of us).

kranson went with the rueben, x-tra sauerkraut (because he loves the Germans, and David Hasselhoff, because Germans love David Hasselhoff. It's logic. Learn it.)

And yours truly, with a beautiful action shot of some serious condiment consumption. Yes, I love ketchup. You hear me INTERNET? I love ketchup. There, I said it.

Perspective. This photo was not altered in any way in photoshop. The sandwich could not fit in the mouth of a regular human.

This was the to-go box of roast beef dVal took home from his sandwich. That's a second meal right there.

Nothing says upscale Greek restaurant like a Koi pond in the flowerbed outside the front door.

This was just too good to pass up. Apparently Eastern Hills Dry Cleaners accepts the Kroger Plus card (note the decal on the window of the van). Crossroads is currently investigating accepting the Kroger Plus card as well. I'm not sure what we'd do with it, but we like accepting things around here.

I can only hope (and pray) I've somehow captured the magic that was the SLOTM March excursion. Join us next month for another exciting installment. Will my smoking habit come into play? Will we find more human hair outside our car? Can Stevie come up with a weirder sandwich combination? Tune in...

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Riverside Centre Antique Mall Restaurant

Location: Riverside Centre Antique Mall (yes, antique mall) Restaurant
This place is down on St. Rt 52 near Lunkin Airport... I think.

When: September of 2007

Grade: A (or A-)... believe it or not. This place actually accomplished what the SLOTM club was created to do. It was truly a diamond in the rough. From the outside, certainly this place was nothing special. BUT, hidden among the random "antiques" and flea market knick-knacks was a pretty decent food establishment. The entire group was pleasantly surprised!

Questionable Level: 7-10 from the outside, 2-10 inside the restaurant. I mean, once inside, its almost like you're sitting in a surreal Cracker Barrel.

Quotes: (I can't remember any that stand out, but Burger Mania lived up to its name, check out the photos below of the MASSIVE burgers)

Price point: Very reasonable. Burger mania was about 5 bucks for a GINOURMOUS burger, and tasty.


Just getting in the place was a little confusing. Should we go left or right?? When in doubt, always go with the most recently added worked for us.

See what I mean? Antiques, all over the place.

See what I mean? Massive burgers.

Stevie went with a salad (his 38 inch vertical leap is compromised if the scales tip over 200).

Dessert. I think this monster cost us all of 75 cents. Yum.

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Country Inn

Location: "Home Cooked Meals, The Country Inn Restaurant" on Monmoth in Newport KY

When: Let's say May of 07, why not?

Food Grade: I'd give this place a B, however I'd be willing to bet that had we walked in with a hang over looking for a greasy breakfast, this place would have been an A and then some.

Questionable Level: 6 of 10. It was pretty sketchy, don't get me wrong. But I felt safe, even loved, once inside (almost like home).

Smokeyness: 10 of 10. The lady sitting behind Steve smoked a good 4 or 5 during our meal. I'd say the smoking ban in Newport KY is a good 25-30 years away.

Quote: This wasn't a quote in the classic sense, in that no words were actually spoken, but the grandma-looking cook did come out of the kitchen to show us her HUGE pineapple upside down cake just out of the oven. I guess some things just don't require words.

Value: Very good. But never fear, if you're short on cash there are at least 4 pawn shops within a square block of the place.


The menu (just like mom used to write)

Top 10 Expressions that Sound Dirty but Really Aren't

10. "Frosting the pastry"
9. "Shooting hoops"
8. "Jumping the turnstile"
7. "Checking your oil"
6. "Tethering the blimp"
5. "Sending out for sushi"
4. "Picnic on the grass"
3. "Quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches"
2. "Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln"
1. "Windsurfing on Mount Baldy"

Let's add one more: "Lift up your ham and show me your cabbage."

I think more places should offer lemon juice packs, don't you?